Deception

What is it about deception that makes a liar tick? Why does truth present itself in so fewer ways than deception? It just seems like it's easier and more entertaining to engage in a life of deception rather than a truthful one.
What I have found in life is that deception is more likely to occur in an event against me, and that exposing the truth, be it all the more difficult, is where my heart trully resides. Whether it is simply for the challenge of finding the truth, or if I am genuinely rebellious to the norm and refuse to adhere to the simplicity and commonplace act of lying I am still subject to its torment. And so I begin my analysis of deception not in favor thereof but in light of its regular adhesion to my life.
I am but a man. A man not given to much lying or at least not one who makes purposeful habits out of it, yet I taste deception every day. I am flawed, I know this to be true about mankind. I believe that God himself is the only one who can remove this center of flaw from me, based on the promise of forgiveness in direct relation to my personal confession and the acknowledgement of cleansing power of
Christ in me.
Now deception, though I am cleasned from both accidental lying and purposeful lying, presents itself in two more ways that I am prone to submit to despite all my hatred, denial of, and renouncing of the act of lying. The first being guilt and the second being apathy.
In my personal walk with God I have discovered that while I retain a committed sin and stand guilty until the cleansing work of Christ is completed upon my confession and forgiveness I feel guilty. This guiltiness leads me down a long path of depression, self loathing, and even worthlessness. My imperfections are laid bare during my state of feeling guilty, and I dwell in sorry and grief. Upon my confession I do feel the life lifting peace and joy that comes with forgiveness that can only come from God, but no sin in my heart is removed without the regret of having done so. This guilt grinds me into a failure and drags me, or tries to, into a state of spiritual stagnation and despair. Why does it seem like deception was at the heart of my guilt?
I believed the lie that I was worthless, or that I could find forgiveness later as long as I enjoyed the moment. I believed that this was how I was supposed to be and that only God could change me. While that last statement is true remember that all great deceptions contain even the slightest of truths. Now I realize that I believed a lie, and while I did not lie in the real sense of the word, I believed one and committed myself to a guilt that was equal in all respects.
After I realized that this feeling of guilt was a deception I learned that God doesn't make me feel guilty. I do stand in my own guilt upon all my committed acts of sin, willful and ingnorant, but God gave me a counter mechanism to the deception of guilt, that is, conviction.
Conviction of the heart is a work of the Holy Spirit in the life of all believers. It's the presence of God teaching us the difference between right and wrong. It's the power of God's law written on our hearts and so designed to help us realize our sin, repent, and learn. God's truth is revealed in the conflict of conviction equally enticing us to resist evil. Always providing us with the opportunity to run and escape sin and all that is privy to a life ridden with guilt.
The second form of deception as mentioned earlier is apathy. While this is not so difficult to identify as the complex of self guiilt, it is equally if not more so intrepid in the world of deception. I learned of this while also examining my heart after having sinned.
The distaste of apathy spawns out of deception that what I just did was simply acceptable. All of us have sinned and fallen short so why should I be any different? Keep in mind that this is a deception and not how I actually feel, just what I felt at the time. Like a wound's infection burrowing deeper into my heart and spreading I believed this lie, however short, it was belief nonetheless.
God's counter offensive of truth to apathy is simple, purpose. I was made in the image of God, redeemed by the willful sacrifice of Christ for the cleansing of my impurities, and have now been given the purpose of glorifying God with my life regardless of how simple and trivial the task may seem. I belong to God, I am not my own, and I can only hope that I would decrease in abundance so that God's truth can fill my life in a greater portion thereof. I am not required to be impartial to the truth. I am not required to walk a grey line, and I do not adhere to these lies any longer. I am not my own, therefore I do not live for myself, and my sole objective in this world is to be more like Christ whatever the cost.